Our Future Is Our Children

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I grew up with corporal punishment. My two older boys received a few spankings when they were young. One day I was talking with my oldest son, he was about 10 or 11 at the time, I raised my hand to point at something out the window and even though I had never hit him with my hand, he flinched. When I asked him why he said he was afraid I was going to hit him.

From that day forward I have never spanked any of my children again. I don't want them to mind me because they are afraid; I want them to mind me because they respect me. Respect is something that has to be earned. When children are young they trust you implicitly. To them you are bigger than life. As they get older and start thinking more for themselves, you have to earn their respect to maintain that trust.

My two younger children, now 16 and 19, have never been spanked. As I started doing with my older children when I stopped using corporal punishment, I started talking with them. They have heard some of my stories so many times that they can mouth the words to the stories. This is a good thing, because it means that the things I have been trying to teach them are getting through.

You can't expect children to understand things at the same level you do. This is one of the reasons parents get frustrated at their children, because they do expect them to understand. For example, you can't expect a 3 year old to comprehend concepts a 5 year old understands. Lets say your 3 year old is having a birthday party and has just opened all of his/her gifts and the other children now want to play with all the new toys. If you tell the 3 year old to share with the other children and he/she doesn't want too, it is not because the 3 year old doesn't want to share; it is because the 3 year old doesn't understand the concept of sharing. Most parents would then force the child to share with the other children, but all your child will comprehend from that action is that the toys were given to him/her and now they are being taken away. What you should have done was have other toys available for the other children to play with because it is just too soon to try and teach the concept of sharing to a 3 year old child.

In my opinion, corporal punishment does not alter behavior. Consistency and patients does. When my children were younger and they would ask me, for example, if they could go with their friend to the mall, I didn't tell them to go ask their mother, I would ask them if they had asked their mother, and if so, what did she say. Kids learn very early in life to play their parents off one another. To stop this from happening parents need to be consistent in how they work with their children, and be in tune with each other.

One of the biggest challenges parents have is mass communication and the way businesses and corporations use it to their advantage. It was not that many years ago that if I wanted to talk with someone on another continent that I had to either write them a letter or call them on the phone. Not anymore.

Kids today are inundated with information and they can communicate with whom ever they want, when ever they want. The same goes for those who want to contact or influence them. What should concern every parent is just what is being communicated to their children and in what way is it influencing them?

Can movies, TV, music, and video games influence our children? I believe they can and do.

Because of the advancements in special affects, movies and TV have taken on a realism like never before. Violence and crime are glorified in the eyes of our children. The top TV shows in the US are crime related. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI NY, NCIS, Criminal Minds, and the list goes on. These types of shows don't simply imply or talk about the crime that takes place like shows of this kind use too. They show you the crime as it is taking place the gory details and dead bodies that go with it. And they don't look fake anymore.

For those who don't think that music can influence children, have you ever gotten chocked up or shed some tears listening to a song? I know I have. So if one can shed tears over a song, how does a song or a Rap song that encourages kids to shoot cops and commit other violent acts against society affect those listening? There have been many instances where violence has broken out at concerts where this type of music was being performed.

Then there are the Video Games. Recently an 18 year old was sent to prison after shooting and killing an officer in a police station. As he exited the building he wounded other officers and stole a police car. His crime mirrored exactly a level from a violent video game.

Parents do need to be more vigilant and learn to say NO to their children. But society and especially our government play a big role in what is happening to our children. Our government has the power to make changes that will help redirect the path that a lot of our young people are traveling. As a society we can force their hand, but we are going to have to scream a lot louder than we have been if real change is ever going to take place.

I have been lucky, all of my children have turned out well, but I want to make sure my grandchildren have a future too, and a safe and rewarding one at that.
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[kylumi]

i agree with everything you say....................... it makes you wonder where its all going to end

i like the 3-5 year old analogy..............that is so true.

However, i truly believe that the worst influence on a child growing up is "peer pressure".

i have never been in the situation where i have had to "spank" my sons....thank goodness. I always maintained that removal of priviledges works wonders.

[bobflemming]

I totally agree, it's so hard as a parent to understand how our children are thinking and to have the patientce to listen to them in our busy lives.
As for what they are taking in from media - i'm very carefull about what they watch on tv, but even the so called childrens shows and cartoons can have some disturbing content for young children.
You can never protect them totaly just do the best you can and try to teach them a) that what they are watching is not real and b) that copying those things is not acceptable behaviour.
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A day without wine is like a day without sunshine -hic!

[blknight3]

Well said DVD! I applaud what you said and agree completely. I never once spanked my daughter, and she has grown up to be an outstanding woman.

When she was young we taught ther the value of money. We never told her how to spend it, only that what she had was all there was.

I was never so proud of her as when we were on vacation and she wanted to bring gifts home for other members of the family. She had saved and planned for this, but there were a few things she wanted for herself. She came to me and asked how much everything was, and it was about 60.00 more than she had. I didn't offer any advce but watched to see what she did. She smiled and said ok, and put back the things she had picked up for herself and proceeded to the cashier. While she was doing that with her mother I went back and picked up the things she had put back and went to another cashier. When we got home I gave them to her and told her how proud I was that she would put the others ahead of what she wanted. She was 8 years old at the time.

We went through many things like this as she grew up and everything was done the same way.

I only hope she will pass this on to her children some day.
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For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble.

[DVDCoverArt]

blknight3, I am sure she will because of the example set for her.

My kids have done many things over the years that have made me feel blessed to be their father. I know that if I knew the things I know now about raising children I would have been a much better father. Not that I was a bad father, but parenting is an on the job training program, you learn as you go.

I know that I have far more patients now which is a benefit to my children and my grandchildren. Our responsibilities as parents do not end when our children reach adulthood. Once a parent, you are a parent for life.

My daughter is currently attending college. She has wanted to be a lawyer since she was 10 years old. I encouraged her to stay at home so that she could concentrate on her education. I pay all her expenses so that she doesn't have to work while she goes to school. I also provide her a car to drive and I pay the insurance. I believe that she has to learn the value of things, so I have not given her a car. She can buy one on her own when she is capable.

Many of her friends had to start paying rent as soon as they graduated from high school. Many parents make their children get jobs while there in high school. I do not believe in this philosophy, I want my children to concentrate on their education. There is plenty of time for them to learn about living in the world. Parents should remember that Kids are only kids once.

Malisa at her prom (she and a bunch of girls went stag) and her High School Graduation picture.


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[kylumi]

she is a very attractive young lady..................that alone would make any father proud

[spudgun]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4636240.stm

The issue of smacking children is currently being debated in the UK - see the link above for details

[hyoogy]

give them a clout they wont do it again

[kylumi]

not much future for these kids..................

“We think the price is worth it………………”US Ambassador Madeleine Albright (when asked if the deaths of half a million Iraqi children were a price worth paying for sanctions)



i wonder how Albright would have replied if she was talking about son's and daughters of the UNITED STATES.

[DVDude]

I wish I didn't have to smack my little guy and it kills me a little every time but that's the only way I can change his nappy without being kicked reapeatedly in the face! He's my second, the first was never a problem. Go figure..... Let the flame war begin!

[spartanstew]

We have a 3.5 year old that we spank occasionally, but we have rules.

1. We never spank him in anger
2. Spankings are always on the bottom (not bare)
3. We tell him why he's being spanked before and after.
4. It's only the last resort (usually after or during a time out).
5. He's never spanked in public.



I used to receive some pretty good beatings when I was a kid. I remember when my grandmother used to make me go pick my own switch from the trees in her yard. She'd then beat me with it. If I was staying at my Uncles and I did something wrong, he'd give me a severe whipping. My mom one time spanked me with her dress shoes. None of them thought there was anything wrong with that. That's just the way things were done. I turned out pretty good anyway.