TV is stifling my love life (a story of frustration)

[talion]

A couple of months back I bought myself an LG 42LB5D High Def LCD tv. Set 'er up in my living room and voila! I find myself very happy with my new tv and immediately start enjoying the benefits thereof.

until.... (cue eerie theme music here)

I have a side business which puts me in contact with a large number of Asian and Mexican girls (life is good) and the occasional nice romantic side benefits that come from that (life gets better) which occasions visits back to my home and the inevtable courtship that comes with movies and cocktails. Sounds good, right? It does to me too.

The problem. Despite the availability of subtitles in the movies the tv won't recognize the vast majority of them. The DVD players recognizes that there should be subtitles available and tries to display such. No go. On the bright side, the satellite box recognizes subtitles too, and most times the broadcast tv stuff works where subtitles are available. I tried everything and looked on the net to discover that this seems to be a common problem. They had tried all solutions to no avail. I then called tech support at LG. What they told me (I'm still boggled by it) is that the tv won't recognize captions from the DVD player unless a co-axial cable is used to transmit the signal. Subtitles are tied to the tuner which is tied to the co-ax and then when HDMI or components are used they override all other incoming signals, hence no subtitles. He said the DVD player should provide it instead. I told him that mine seems to but that the tv doesn't accept it. I can hear his shrug over the phone. No help there.



So, my honies are left without the benefit of being able to understand the movies they watch on occasion, which creates boredom, which is very bad for me as host and erstwhile suitor. Since they rarely wish to move directly to the sex part I feel that somehow I should bring suit against LG for mental anguish and diminished sexual enjoyment. What do you guys think? Do I have a case?

I hate the fact that this seems unfixable, unless perhaps changing the DVD player will alter this situation. Any suggestions? Beyond self-gratification, that is.