Writing Skills

[blknight3]

The sad, sad state of college English

By Michael Olesker
Some people collect sports memorabilia, or rare coins, or sea shells from the beach at Ocean City . Wilson Watson collects sentences. He taught local community college students for 35 years and has now slipped gently into retirement. But his students’ sentences trail behind him like ship’s anchors, evidence of the sinking of American writing skills.

Among Watson’s collection;

“Some people use bad language and is not even aware of the fact.”

“It’s good I’m doing something with my self; Therefore, I can do better
in the foochure.”

“People who murder a lot of people are called masked murderers.”

“I was absent on Monday because I was stopped on the Beltway for erotic driving.”

“The person was an innocent by standard, who just happened to be the victim
of your friend’s careless responsibility.”

“Society has moved toward cereal killers.”

“Romeo and Juliet exchanged their vowels.”

“Willie Loman put Biff on a petal stool.”

“Another effect of smoking is it may give you cancer of the thought.”

“The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples."
Or, when asked to use the past tense of “fly” in a sentence: “I flought to Chicago .”
“Benjamin Franklin discovered America while fling a kite.”

“Christopher Columbus sailed all over the world until he found Ohio .”
“Many attempt to blame Kurt Schmoke for the decline in the population, yet Donald
Schaefer suffered the same oral deal.”
“Michaelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.”
“Keith helps me to have good self-a-steam.”
“For example, one homeless person lives under a bride in Lanham , Md. ”
“Jogging on a woman’s ovaries can be dangerous to her health.”
“Including snakes, most people consume six meals a day.”
“The French benefits of this job are good.”
“Christopher Columbus discovered America while sailing in Spain .”
“Jogging is excellent exercise anywhere, but I prefer to jog in a warm climax.”
“My brother and I took a fairy across to Martha’s Vineyard .”
“A very good thing for your health is the Arabic exercise.”
“All these sentences,” Watson says, “were written by college students who were not intending to be funny. But they don’t read much any more, and they haven’t had much exposure to language. And it’s gotten worse over the years.”
“The thing that’s really concerned many of us is the inability of many students to think clearly. It’s reflected in their writing. Some of it is just gibberish. It reads as if written by someone for whom English is a second language, with mixed-up phrases and ideas. You ask them what they mean, and they can’t tell you verbally, either.”
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For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble.