| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
blknight3
Lifetime Member
Joined: 19 May 2005
Posts: 1254
Location: Canada
|
 Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 5:53 am Post subject: News from the Business World |
 |
|
News from the Business World
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker: the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.
5. The problem with an investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria - if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
7. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds' I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
New Stock Market Terms:
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment banker to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What your broker has made you.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should now be locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
_________________
For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
fatheralice
Donator
Joined: 03 Oct 2005
Posts: 320
Location: uk
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 12:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
LOL, Good one!
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Uinat
Exceptional Member
Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 340
Location: Selo Veselo
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
| |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
bobflemming
Resident Artist
Joined: 21 Oct 2005
Posts: 1702
Location: London UK
|
| Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
sad, but funny 
_________________
A day without wine is like a day without sunshine -hic! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
